


Cardigan

by OpeningMyEyes



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cannon compliant, Hogwarts Era, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mentions of War, Post-Hogwarts, Sharing Clothes, Song: cardigan (Taylor Swift), Songfic, allusions to character death, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:55:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29095362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OpeningMyEyes/pseuds/OpeningMyEyes
Summary: Remus huffed a laugh through his nose, but gladly locked their lips together again, the pair fully intertwined as if they had been made for each other.(And maybe they had. For what else was the moon to do but love the stars?)Inspired by Cardigan by Taylor Swift.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 43





	Cardigan

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This was originally a teeny drabble eon my head, then it spiralled into this! I really really loved writing it, so I hope you guys will like it!
> 
> Also my italics stopped working like halfway through, I’ve no idea why but bare with me!!!

_I knew you, dancing in your Levi’s drunk under a streetlight._

“Shh! Pads. you’re gonna get us caught!” Remus half-whispered, his own voice a tad too loud for his own liking but his slightly tipsy state didn’t allow for a lower volume. Sirius spun into him smushing his fingers right up against Remus’ lips, both of them chest to chest under James’ cloak. It was hard to believe the four of them mused to fit under this - now it only just about covered Remus and Sirius even with Remus ducking down to Sirius’ height. 

“Come on Moony, you’re 'Perfect Mister Prefect',” He said, punctuating each word of the grand title with his index finger poking into Remus; chest. “Even if we do get caught, you can charm our way out of it.”

Remus rolled his eyes, but followed, the passage was dim and the ground was uneven and to be perfectly honest, they hadn’t yet discovered if this particular passage way had been caved in since they last explored it the previous year, but Sirius seemed sure of himself and that was enough for Remus. If Sirius was the one leading, he’d always follow. 

“Alright, but I’m late on a transfiguration essay, so if Minnie catches us, you’re on your own. I need to save my charm for that.” He said, his tone stern, but all his reserve melted when Sirius smiled up at him and pressed a victorious kiss to his cheek. 

“I take back your title.” Sirius said dramatically, looking at Remus with a smug righteousness. “Apparently 'Perfect Mister Prefect' isn’t so perfect after all.”

He pressed his mouth right up next to Remus’ ear just as they stepped out the little secret entrance, ducking under the ivy trellis that hid their little passageway. “It’s a good thing I like bad boys.” Sirius breathed, and Remus couldn’t wait any more, not caring whether the cloak revealed their ankles or not when he pulled Sirius in for a blazing kiss. 

“I love you, you know that, right?”

Sirius smirked and kissed him again. “That seems to be the general consensus.”

Remus laughed and took off walking again, tugging the cloak off as soon as they were far enough away from the school, catching hands and spinning under the soft glow of the lamplights illuminating the path to Hogsmeade. Sirius tilted his head back, still spinning, their hands acting as the axis that centered the entire universe. 

“I love you too.”

_I knew you, hands under my sweatshirt, baby kiss it better._

“Sirius, if you don’t start being more careful, I’m gonna-”

“What?” Sirius teased, wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, looking far too haughty for a man sitting on a countertop, his legs dangling in the air. “What’re you gonna do Re? You gonna _punish_ me?”

Remus pursed his lips to try hide his smile, but gave in, kissing Sirius once briefly.

“No,” He said, pulling up Sirius’ jumper to get a proper look at the gash he had acquired after climbing a tree. Then subsequently falling out of said tree. “But I will send you to Madam Pomfrey and have you try to explain to her that you thought you’d be able to pull off a levitation charm if there was a ‘more extreme sense of urgency’.” He finished, mocking Sirius’ words from earlier. 

Sirius just scrunched up his face playfully in retaliation, before breathing in shakily as Remus coated the cut with a liberal amount of salve, watching in fascination as the skin knitted back together.

“There.” He said, straightening up to stand between Sirius’ legs, pulling down his jumper again. “Good as new.”

“Nah ah.” Sirius countered, shaking his head as his legs locked behind Remus’ back, binding them together. “Gotta kiss it better.”

Remus wet his lips, shaking his head in fond disbelief, but leaned in willingly, feeling the hot slide of Sirius’ mouth against his own cooler one. 

“All better?” Remus asked, panting slightly as they rested their foreheads together. 

Sirius shrugged, hooking his arm more firmly around Remus’ neck. “Close, but not quite better yet.”

Remus huffed a laugh through his nose, but gladly locked their lips together again, the pair fully intertwined as if they had been made for each other. 

(And maybe they had. For what else was the moon to do but love the stars?)

_And when I felt like I was an old cardigan, under someone’s bed, you put me on and said I was your favourite._

“Sirius?” Re said softly, pushing the door to their dorm open slowly. “Are you here?”

“Yeah,” Came a muffled reply. “I’m here.”

Remus stepped into the room, looking first to Sirius’ bed to find it empty. Remus frowned, looking around to find Sirius curled up on Remus’ own bed, his favourite cardigan folded gently around him.

“Hi sweetheart,” Remus said, voice hushed as he climbed onto the bed next to the other boy, noting the red stained eyes and puffed lips. “What do you need?”

At the words, anything that seemed to be holding Sirius together until that point shattered, the raven haired boy collapsing into Sirius’ arms. 

“Re,” He gasped, between his sobs as Remus just pulled him closer. “Why is it possible to love someone who hates you? Isn’t love supposed to be good? If it’s so great, then why the fuck does it hurt so much?”

Remus’ heart clenched. _Regulus._

“I don’t know sweetheart,” He murmured, holding Sirius close. “But it makes us who we are.” He cupped Sirius’ face so he could meet the raging stormy eyes. “It’s better to have loved and have lost than to never have loved at all.”

Sirius just blinked at him. 

“But for the record,” Remus said, touching their heads together. “I don’t think you’ve lost him. _He's_ just lost right now. But he’ll find his way back to you.”

Sirius nodded, and slumped against Remus’ chest, no longer crying, just breathing deeply. 

“You know Remus Lupin,” He whispered after a while. “I don’t care how long it takes, but I’m gonna marry you someday.”

_To kiss in cars, and downtown bars, was all we needed._

“Oh Merlin, they’re snogging again.” Peter commented as he turned his head to spot James and Lily, leaning in for a kiss. Remus, currently with his tongue in Sirius’ mouth heard this, but let Peter discover the other couple in his own time.

“Christ, the pair of you are too. You’re all fuckin at it.” He grumbled. If Remus’ mouth wasn’t already a little preoccupied, he would have laughed. There it was.

“Right, I’m off to find humans capable of holding decent conversation.” Peter muttered and he might have left. He could have stayed and done a jig on the table for all Remus cared, but in this moment, he noticed none of it. What was the poem he had read somewhere? _Stars and moths and rinds slanting around fruit. This moment_

_You drew stars around my scars and now I’m bleeding._

“Hey, look at this.” Sirius said somewhat excitedly, rolling away from Remus momentarily and returning with a quill and a jar of ink. 

Remus eyed him skeptically, his arm tucked under his head as they lounged on his bed, the curtains drawn to create the illusion of their own little oasis. 

“I bet I could draw stars on your chest and then your scars could connect them, like in astronomy.”

Remus bit his lip, looking at Sirius’ appraised expression. “I feel like I should say no,” He said slowly, even as he unscrewed the ink. “But go for it.”

Sirius grinned triumphantly and studied Remus for a minute, brushing the quill over his lips as he concentrated. Remus couldn’t help but muse that if Sirius put half as much effort into his schoolwork as he was doing here, he would be top of the class. Finally, Sirius ditched the quill, dipping a finger into the ink directly. 

“I don’t want the point of the quill to scratch you.” He explained, after noticing Remus’ raised eyebrow. Something warmed inside Remus’ chest while something cold trickled over the outside. Remus closed his eyes and let himself focus on the slightly ticklish, but mostly soothing sensation of Sirius tracing patterns over his skin. 

“Done.” Sirius muttered after a while and Remus opened his eyes, raising his head a little to peer down at himself. He looked like some abstract piece of art, covered in black and blue and red and green, scars shining silver between it all. 

“Woah,” He breathed, “That’s pretty cool.”

Sirius grinned, then pointed to a star just over Remus; appendix. “That’s Sirius right there.”

Remus hummed, pursing his lips together, then grabbed a jar of ink, tracing a star a little messily, right over his heart. 

“Nah,” He countered, “Sirius is here.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, but came up to press their lips together. In the morning, they both looked like works of art.

_But I knew you, stepping on the last train, marked me like a blood stain._

“I can’t believe this is the last time we’ll be taking this train.” James said, the four of them standing in a row on the platform, not yet ready to get on. 

“We’ll be back.” Remus said. “Someday, we’ll be back.”

Sirius linked their fingers together. As one, the marauders stepped onto the train. 

_Mischief Managed_. 

_I knew you, tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy._

Remus just stared at the auror. 

“Mr Lupin,” The man said gently, playing his hand tenderly on Remus’ arm. Remus didn’t know what his name was. It was probable the man had said it but Remus wasn’t listening. Everything had gone dark. “I realise this must come as a shock.”

Remus wrenched his arm back, shaking his head. “A _shock_?” He laughed a little manically. “No, you’re wrong.”

“Mr Lupin, we have evidence that Sirius Black was the one to-”

“Well you’re wrong!” Remus yelled. Or maybe he had whispered. It was possible he hadn’t even spoken at all, but the words swirled around and around in his head. “I don’t know how, but you’re wrong. You’re wrong, this isn’t right, you have it all wrong, he would never-”

Remus gasped, pressing a hand to his cracking heart as if it would hold him together. “He would _never_.” He repeated, his voice breaking, tears streaming down his cheeks. When they had gotten there, he didn’t know, but their presence was suddenly noticeable with the cold rush against Remus’ skin. 

“I’m so sorry.” The auror said and then he was gone. And Remus was alone. 

Had it always been this way? Remus alone. Remus with friends. Remus with Sirius. Remus alone. 

Maybe he had made the entire thing up. 

But dreams didn’t leave you feeling like the last kiss you’d ever had was from a dementor, not your true love. 

_It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all_. He had said that to Sirius once. 

What a fool he had been. 

_I knew you, leaving like a father, running like water, when you are young they assume you know nothing. ___

__“It is believed this was a plan Mr Black had been staging for quite some time now.” A newspaper read. Remus snorted and threw it in the fire. Sirius couldn’t even plan a week in advance. What they fuck did these people know._ _

__But then, what did Remus know? His love was long lost, Rapunzel in a tower. Remus was no knight._ _

__But he knew in his heart, none of this was true. He knew. He didn't care what anyone else said, they may have known his thoughts, but Remus knew his heart._ _

__

___But I knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss._ _ _

__Sirius’ leather jacket still hung in the cupboard under the stairs. His hair potion, still in the shower. Remus couldn’t bear to see them. He could never throw them away._ _

__

___I knew you’d haunt all of my what if’s._ _ _

__Remus should have fought harder for Harry._ _

__He should have, he should have, he should have._ _

__He should have known better._ _

__What if._ _

__A smirking smile and stormy eyes. Hair held up with a wand. Those same dark strands coiled around Remus’ fingers._ _

__

___The smell of smoke would hang around this long. Cause I knew everything when I was young._ _ _

__

__Remus woke up to James’ scream. Except it couldn’t be James. Unless… Had this all been a dream?_ _

__James opened his eyes and suddenly there was Lily. Lily and James and they didn’t know who Remus was._ _

__(Remus had been the first one to hold baby Harry. Before even Sirius. And now he didn’t even know him)_ _

__

___I knew I’d curse you for the longest time._ _ _

__Remus hated Sirius. Not for being the notorious mass murderer Sirius Black. But for leaving him alone._ _

___Why is it possible to love someone who hates you?_ Remus wanted to laugh. His question to Sirius now would be this; _why couldn't he stop loving someone he should hate?__ _

__

___Chasing shadows in the grocery line._ _ _

__The students all murmured about the grimm. The paintings gossiped about little else. Even the staff room had a few words on the subject matter. Remus tried not to let his heart flutter._ _

_(But his boy was free. And there was a grimm on the loose)._

__

___I knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired._ _ _

__Walking down to Hagrid's hut, Remus thought he saw something rustle in the bushes. He stepped off the path and looked closer, barely even breathing as his heart thundered, but the shadows that had lurked were gone._ _

__

___And you’d be standing in my front porch light._ _ _

__“Lie low at Lupins.”_ _

__For the first time in twelve years, amber met grey._ _

__“Re,” Sirius croaked, and Remus shattered. He pulled Sirius inside the door quickly, shutting it and reinforcing all of the charms around his little cottage, drawing all the blinds shut and placing a charm around the area so he would know if anyone approached the house before he finally turned, and there he was._ _

__

___And I knew you’d come back to me._ _ _

__Not Mass Murderer Sirius Black._ _

__Not even Padfoot._ _

__But Sirius. Remus’ Sirius._ _

__“Re,” Sirius said again, “It’s not true, it’s not true.” He said, repeating the words as he shook his head, eyes filling. “It’s not true, I would never.”_ _

___"He would never."_ _ _

__Remus shook his head too, pulling Sirius into the tightest hug they ever might have shared._ _

__“I know.” He whispered. “I know.”_ _

__

___You’d come back to me._ _ _

__Sirius after a few weeks of good food and warmth looked a lot more like the boy Remus had once known, but there was no denying the person with his was now a man. Remus supposed they both were._ _

__

___You’d come back._ _ _

__“I love you.” Sirius whispered once night as they were curled under a blanket, Remus reading as Sirius lay on his chest, the position comforting and oh so familiar._ _

__“Do you think you could ever love me again?”_ _

__Remus’ heart cracked as he set down his book and curled his fingers gently around Sirius’ jaw, tilting his head so Remus could look into that swirling sea._ _

__“Love you again?” He said, his voice nearly cracking in disbelief. “Pads, how could I love you again when I never stopped?”_ _

__

___And when I felt like I was an old cardigan, under someone’s bed, you put me on and said I was your favourite._ _ _

__

__“I can’t believe you still have this.” Sirius whispered, pulling the same cardigan he always stole out of the back of Remus’ drawer._ _

__“It used to smell like you.” Remus admitted. “But I wore it too much, I missed you too much.”_ _

__Sirius smiled, shrugging it on, it curling around his shoulders the way he curled into Remus, tilting his head up and pressing his lips against Remus’._ _

__“I can fix that.” He whispered and Remus held him close, taking his time._ _

___(For what else was the moon to do but love the stars?)._ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Pop over to my tumblr (onlydreamofmysoul) for some fun content!


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